When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
3 2 1 whiskey
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
