and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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