So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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