Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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