What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
