i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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