It's like God shit irony all over that family
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
