She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
