Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
