help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
