Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
