Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
