eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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