I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
