I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
