I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
