Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
