I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
