i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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