East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
