Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it was like his penis was on wheels.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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