This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
