google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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