The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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