I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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