i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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