Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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