I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
