im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
