Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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