what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
