You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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