I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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