Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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