So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
