And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
