He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
