Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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