What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
