I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
