Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
