it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
