TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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