Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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