I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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