Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
