So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
