Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
