Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
