She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
