Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
