he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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